apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
