this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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