I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize