My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
