Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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