Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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