No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We need to rekindle our bromance
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
