Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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