3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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