dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
