Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
