With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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