I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The adults are the big ones right?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
