Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
