We named our party play list daddy issues
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
