Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
