Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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