god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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