she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
