I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
