I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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