There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
