so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize