I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
