I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
