Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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