watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
