Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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