can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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