I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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