I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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