i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
