After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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