My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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