did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i already hear my dad disowning me
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
