wat bout pragnant strippers??
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
