Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
