Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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