I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
