Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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