Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
