There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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