Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Randomize
