a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
