we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
