I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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