tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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