He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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