she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
