yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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