His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
