i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
