You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize