Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
