that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
