the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
