why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
