I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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