the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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