vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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