Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
