Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
