the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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