I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
