I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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