is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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