just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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