haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
