Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
